Thursday, March 27, 2014

A New Piece of Our Adoption Story

The last two years have been a wonderful, hard and crazy whirlwind for our family. We made many tough life changing decisions that required us to lean on faith and prayer more than we ever had before. We began having fertility problems, made the decision to grow our family through adoption, I had an emergency surgery and was diagnosed with aggressive stage 5 endometriosis (currently there is only a classification system of stage 1 - stage 4), we adopted Jayden, began an open adoption with his birth family, and I made the life altering decision to have a hysterectomy. So you would think that one more decision at the end of this series of major life events would be manageable given our previous practice, but it was anything but that. With a month and a half left of 2013 just as the dust had settled on our whirl wind year and the finish line of 2013 was in sight we found out that Jayden’s birth mom was expecting again. Now there are two natural reactions that most people we have privately told this news to have had. One is to roll their eyes or talk judgingly about our birth mom and her ability or lack there of to prevent getting pregnant, and the other is to happily and easily assume or say that we of course are or should adopt this baby as-well. Neither reaction is per-say inappropriate but both fail to really understand all that falls in-between both of those extremes. 

The fact is that adoption is the only option I have to build my family. It is not a second option in my mind or a lesser option in my heart, but reality is it is now the only option. There is not going to be a “miracle natural child” coming to this family unless I become the next Virgin Mary and I am pretty sure that is not going to happen. And guess what I am fine with that, 100%. Although the hardest thing is to realize that not everyone understands that building my family is ALWAYS going to be difficult, is ALWAYS going to be crazy expensive, is ALWAYS going to be messy, is ALWAYS going to be imperfect, is ALWAYS going to involve other people, is ALWAYS going to come with legal and financial risk, and is ALWAYS going to sound like a crazy and scary thing to do. I say this to both those that think adoption is too crazy and risky and to those that think adoption is easy and a tax write off. 

Thankfully I knew full well what I was signing up for entering the adoption world. I was prepared for the fact that we were situationally and racially going to become a minority family overnight, and that most people even those that are closest to us and love us the most were all of the sudden not going to understand our new relationships, our experiences, our feelings about adoption and the people involved, or have a complete understanding about exactly what we had gone through and what it had taken to make adoption happen for our family.  My understanding that not many understand is the real reason why I am writing this actually. I write none of this out of hurt feelings or disappointment and anger of things that have been said to us or for need of sympathy. I’m writing this because I am in a unique situation, possibly in even a unique situation among the adoption community and I just want to make clear how my family feels about this, and what conclusions we have come to for ourselves. That way when you see or hear things in the future that I may post you will simple know.  So with that out of the way I will head back to the bomb shell news we got in November.

My initial reaction hearing this news at home by myself was that there was no way we could do it. There was no way we could financial align the planets and stars again so quickly to be able to do another adoption. I mean we had just written our last check to our lawyer like a month earlier. If Jayden’s adoption had seemed impossible in the beginning, this adoption for certain felt impossible. I was however more than thankful and honored to have gotten a call about the situation. It does not get much better than having an opportunity to adopt your child's sibling. For the sole fact that you just never consider your children are going to have biological siblings in your family with adoption. Also they would have the same birth mom which makes things nice. Not better, but just nice. It was literally an opportunity to give Jayden what I could never give Jayna, a biological sibling. 

So it was a shock. I called Ryan at work told him to sit down and laid it on him. Many may think “well what is the big deal? It is not like you have to do it.”, but for us this was a surprise pregnancy and more than that it was a huge opportunity for our family that we needed to figure out. The gut wrenching part is when you realize you are having a surprise pregnancy that you may not be able to logistically do even if you wanted to. So for the months that followed that day Ryan and I literally did nothing but talk about what we were going to do and if we could do it. It’s not everyday that you are forced into deciding if you would like or should have more children and even if you decide you don't or shouldn’t the baby is still coming and possibly going to be apart of your life in one way or another. 

We had to answer the questions; “Is this what we should do?”, “Can we financially do it?”, “Can we physically do it?”, “Can we find a way to do it without the agency?”, “Should we do the adoption in Utah?’, “Should we do the adoption in Mississippi?”, “What does our lawyer think?”, and every other gut checking question you could imagine. It felt like this baby was mine unless I said no. It felt like maybe my children had a way to finally come to my family and they were coming. It felt like maybe there was a couple out there that was more ready than us right now and that this is what they had been praying for just like we had a year earlier. It felt like I was going to be giving up a baby for adoption if we said no. It felt like it was meant to be and an amazing end to so many unfortunate things that kept our family from growing quickly. It felt like too big of a family. It felt like too little of a family. It felt like kids too far apart and too close together. You get the idea. It felt CONFUSING! 

We prayed like crazy, counseled with those we trusted, and did what we had done with all the other big decisions we had made that year, we moved forward with faith until we couldn't anymore. After figuring out different options we had and could do both finically and legally and realizing we logically were not going to get to an answer by trying to decipher car-seat configurations and bed arrangements we knew we had to focus on one question and one question only and that was simply “Was this baby suppose to come to our family?” Adoption is weird that way. The second we heard about and saw Jayden we knew he was meant to be with us, even his birth mom will say that. So it gets tricky. You look at biological families and it is easy to say they are suppose to be with each other. Of course they are they are biologically tied to one another. So in this case Jayden’s birth mom already has a child that is hers, that she raises, that she had before Jayden, and I have Jayden. Jayden was meant to be mine. I believe that and feel that everyday, but does that mean every child his birth mom has is meant to be mine as well? It is hard, it is hard to think that we could prayerfully come to the conclusion that his biological sibling is not suppose to be with him or with us, but that is what we came to after a ton of heart ache and painful soul searching. 

We felt that all our experiences before had taught us how Heavenly Father communicates with us specifically as a couple and so we were confident in our answer. To be more clear too, I am not sure that there was a right or a wrong answer for us to chose, but we had come to a conclusion with Heavenly Father through prayer that we felt like was accepted and right. We felt honored and blessed that we were in trusted with such a decision and that He was going to stand by us no matter what. This sole decision was the hardest I have ever had to make. It trumped deciding to adopt when I thought there was the possibility of physically being able to still have children. It out devastated me way more than coming to terms with the fact that I needed to have a hysterectomy while also having a 2 month old at home. It was a struggle every minute every hour to get an answer and make a decision. 

Our decision has been made for awhile now and since making it we have had some pretty solid confirmations that we are not making a huge mistake. For one my health has once again run into some bumps in the road and I will be having surgery again sometime in the near future. I know exactly what it means to have a baby and have surgery and I really just can not imagine surviving an exact repeat of last year with an additional child and more troubling health than before. I am grateful my health became a definite factor after our decision was already made and we were at peace with it, rather than having it be the biggest reason to not adopt again. I consider it a real blessing it happened that way and can see how that has happened before in my life with decisions.

I’m thankful for adoption, in-fact I love it. It has been one of the greatest things to happen in my life. I love Jayden’s birth mom. She is the reason why I have a beautiful son, and I cherish the fact that as an infertile woman I got to agonize over the tough decision of if my family was suppose to have two children or three children. I cannot wait to see Jayden’s birth mom, birth dad, and biological brother when they come to Utah to place this baby with a loving family at Guardian Angel. I hope we get to spend lots of time with one another and strengthen even more the open adoption that we have. I hope I get to see this sweet little baby girl who I spent many nights and days praying about and pondering over. I hope I get to hold her in my arms just once and have the confirmation that she was the baby that was never meant to be mine and that that’s okay and beautiful in its own way. And I hope I get to tell her new adoptive family that she was meant to be theirs and that they have the most amazing birth mom. If none of that happens it will be okay too, because I have faith that the atonement of Jesus Christ can heal all, and us all. I know that the same Jesus Christ that knows how it feels to be me and struggle with my decisions knows how it feels to be Jayden’s birth mom and struggle with her decisions, and knows how it is to be you and struggle with your decisions. All families are miracles and none are made without the mercy of the One who considers us all His children.

I love talking about adoption ( note I did not say field criticism on my decisions, view points or choices. ) and am always willing to share our story and what I know. Yes, our birth mom will be placing a baby. I know many have friends and family that are currently looking to adopt themselves. This is a great opportunity, but will be facilitated by Guardian Angel adoption in SLC Utah in the next coming months. I will and would do all I can to have this baby placed with a loving family that would hopefully be open to having a relationship with us too. I am not sure how much influence or involvement I will have in this adoption process, and am very respectful of the fact that this is a decision our birth mom needs to and will be making, but I am more than happy to talk to anyone who thinks this may be the right situation for them in one way or another. Thanks for letting me share a little piece of our adoption story.

Friday, September 14, 2012

One Step Closer...

My heart is so full right now. Which is funny to me because nothing has happened per-say.

This adoption journey has already been the biggest blessing and miracle in my life thus far. To say I have felt the hand of the Lord stretching my heart would be a gross understatement. At times I swear I can actually physically feel my heart stretching and growing. It is a wild thing to feel and know that you are suppose to be in a certain place at a certain time with certain people, and an even wilder thing to try and make it happen. To align spiritually, physically, and financial for one cause has been a major undertaking that has taken faith, prayers, and a tremendous amount of patience. The simultaneous feeling of needing to run faster than I humanly can and quietly wait longer than I can stand all at the same time is nothing short of agony.

With our papers into a private agency and the hope that things will happen quickly for our little family I feel truly grateful, and one step closer to the little one that is suppose to join our family for eternity. It has been a true miracle to look forward into what only months ago seemed a muddy murky path that was unachievable in every way, and now see a clear and perfect path. The Lord has been pushing us and we have been pushing Him. Our hope is that our desires will shortly cross with His to create a masterpiece we could have never foreseen, but that he has always had in mind. At this point we have no idea what that masterpiece looks like, but we already know it will be better than anything we could have painted for ourselves.

Thank you for standing by us as friends and family!

This song is beautiful and exactly where I am at right now.

Thursday, March 1, 2012


My Little Family is Looking to ADOPT!

 Due to some health and pregnancy risks that I have had in the past coupled with some new fertility problems we have been experiencing we have decided to take advantage of this wonderful option that we have to grow our family. We could not be more excited about this new adventure our family is embarking on. We would love your help so please read on!

We are going to be adopting through LDS Family Services and will soon have a profile viewable on their website. We are choosing to go with LDS family services because of their vast amount of resources they offer to not only families looking to adopt, but more importantly moms and fathers looking to place their children for adoption. LDS family services has impressed us with the fact that they offer counseling to both birth parents (mothers and fathers placing a child for adoption) and their families, along with covering all medical costs and often times basic needs costs incurred by birth-moms. We feel that having the birth moms emotional and physical needs met with out incurring additional worry or stress on an already difficult situation is important, and we have confidence that LDS services can provide that. Any expectant mother looking to place a child for adoption regardless of their religious background can use LDS services as their agency and advocate, and with 62 offices these services are accessible to nearly everyone.

We hope as we spread the word that we are looking to adopt that friends and family will be able to help us spread the word even further increasing our chances of finding that perfect match for our family. With so many couples in the same position as us looking to adopt we want to be as proactive as possible in growing our family through adoption.

We have more information about us and our hopes of adopting on our adoption website

If you have any questions or know someone that is looking to place a child for adoption please feel free to contact us at or call us at 801.709.1326 and feel free to scan and share our QR code. Thanks!

You can also help us by adding our adoption button to your blog or website.

Hutchings Adopt
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Friday, October 21, 2011

Crafting for a special boy

I have a nephew who has lots of handicaps and this month his parents found out he also has leukemia. We were crushed for them and him and have been thinking about them constantly. Upon finding out about the leukemia the doctors started chemo right away, but shortly after his third treatment his body began reacting poorly to it, to the point that he had to be life flighted to primary children's. He has been in ICU there now for about two weeks and just had his sixth birthday yesterday while in the hospital. I have wanted to do something but didn't know what, but I finally decided I wanted to make buttons for them so that they could give them to friends family and nurses. I wanted them to represent Ammon and his strength and bravery. So after reading their family blog and finding out that a friend told them that his name Ammon Everett means hidden strength I made a crest with the words brave like Ammon and hidden strength on it. From there I made little paper buttons and tonight or Sunday we are going to take them to the hospital or their home.
This poor little guy needs all the prayers and love and support he can get. He encompasses all that his name means and stands for.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Where I have been & What I have been up-to

Life has been busy and here is why:

Paper Doll Baby Shower

There comes a mile stone in every hostess's carrier when you know you must be good, and that mile stone is when you are asked to cross state boundaries to do a party. It is quite the feat to pack a party and execute  it far from home, but I can now check it off the list of things I have done in the universe of part planning. Here is the Paper Doll themed baby shower I did for my Sister-in-law. Invitations, Decorations, Food and all. Thanks to the help of a group of ladies in Arizona that have been throwing parties a lot longer than I have it went off with out a hitch.

Fire Pit Area and Benches

The fire-pit area and benches are now complete and ready to enjoy. I am so happy with how it turned out, and know we will be enjoying it for years to come.